If you only choose one goal or intention for this year ….

I am a few days late on the whole “new year, new me” bandwagon due to finally succumbing to covid in our household. To be honest, I am not even sure I want to be on it ! I don’t need a new me, I just need to find the real me !

We can all set our new year resolutions and goals for more money, a bigger house, a better job, new car, tight buttocks, gravity defying washboard stomach or the love of our life and these are all very good goals to work towards to keep us evolving, progressing and engaged in life. However, all of these goals are based on a belief that if we achieve them we will be happier, more content with our everyday lives.

I therefore propose that you take on one goal, or intention, as myself and my clients prefer to call them.

“To have a great relationship myself”

This may mean different things to different people but I believe that a great relationship with yourself involves ;

·        Being kind to ourselves – we are all an ongoing work in progress, even more so if you are healing from abuse and trauma. Go easy on yourself, forgive yourself, give up on the perfectionism.

·        Letting go of unrealistic expectations – in this current climate of more, more, more we can hold ourselves accountable to a set of ridiculously high expectations. There is only 24 hours in a day, there is only so much we can do within that time. If you have been in a previously abusive relationship these expectations can come from a place of self-preservation – I have to be the best in order for people to love me.

·        Being your own cheerleader – pat yourself on the back when things go right, give yourself a high five (as per Mel Robbins High Five Habit) in the mirror, focus on your strengths, appreciate everything that you are, tell yourself “well done” and “I’ve got you”.

·        Looking after your health and wellbeing – choose healthy food, find a form of exercise you enjoy doing, take time out for yourself to rest and relax, meditate, read, indulge in a hobby.

·        Stopping the negative self-talk – the way we talk to ourselves can be very cruel and unkind. You would never talk to your child, friend or loved one in the way you talk to yourself so why is it acceptable to put yourself down, criticise yourself and berate yourself ?

·        Putting yourself first – you are just as important as everyone else around you. In fact, you are more important in your world – you are the person you spend the most time with ! This does not mean to the exclusion of everyone else, it means that you should focus on keeping your cup topped up and not let others drain it until it is empty.

·        Choosing to spend time with the right people – people that build you up rather than tear you down or drain you. People that encourage positivity. People that inspire, motivate and invigorate you.

·        Listening to yourself – be quiet and allow yourself to make good decisions based on your needs and wants. You have all the answers you need inside of you, if you give them a chance to be heard.

·        Holding yourself accountable – if you want to do something or if you know you must do something in order to move forwards / feel good within and about yourself schedule it in your calendar or diary and get it done when you have said you are going to do it. Do not let self-doubt, feelings of being less important than others prevent you from doing and achieving what you want. Letting ourselves down is so much easier than letting someone else down but the result is that we start to feel resentful, overwhelmed and put upon.

Most importantly keep telling yourself that you are enough, that you are worthy of achieving your dreams and that you have nothing to prove to anyone. The most wonderful, happiest, most content, beautiful person you can be will only ever be the real version of you, the one that has always been there but may have got buried underneath life’s challenges, traumas and knock downs. Listen to your heart, listen to your gut instinct, be aware of how things make you feel and use these feelings as a guide to whether you are being you or being who you think you “should” be.

And start each day with one question : “How can I be my own best friend today ?”

I hope you have a wonderful 2022, filled with love, laughter and happiness and the freedom to be YOU.

Lisa