Stay Small, Stay Safe

What stops us from fulfilling our potential, going for our dreams, taking risks, being heard, being seen ?

I think the title of this article gives you a good idea but let’s delve into it a bit more :

I get soooo frustrated with myself sometimes. I want more, I want to be heard, to be seen ! I want to be wildly successful, earn loads of money, have lovely things ! I want to travel more, have weekends away with my husband, live life freely ! I want to always have enough time, energy and money ! I want my writing to reach and have some sort of positive impact on millions of people ! I want to love and laugh every day and skip through life, enjoying all of the miracles and opportunities that flow to me easily and effortlessly !

I really, really want all of this.

But do I ?  

If I am being heard and seen, I am opening myself up to judgement and criticism. As someone, who still suffers with the odd bout of low self-esteem, any negative comments will shake me to my core.

If I am wildly successful and earning lots of money, will I have time to spend with my family or will I just feel overwhelmed and burnt out ? Will I lose touch with my friends and family that do not have such riches ?

If I become too attached to my lovely things, what will happen if I lose or break something ? What if someone thinks I am showing off ? Do I deserve these things ?

Isn’t living life freely just a pipe dream ? How can you do that and earn money, be there for your family and friends. Is it a bit selfish ? People don’t like selfish people.

If I travel more, I will have less time to work so will not be able to earn money. Surely I can’t have both ?

If I always have enough time, energy and money, where is my struggle that I need to feel worthy of such things ?

If my writing goes viral I will undoubtedly attract criticism and differences of opinion. I am someone who agrees with everyone for fear of upsetting someone and them not liking me.

Do I deserve daily miracles, love, laughter and opportunities ? Can things really be that good ?

Talk about giving myself a headache and a life full of inner conflict !

So, what is going here ?

My heart yearns for these wonderful things, for success, for contentment, for abundance. My head knows that I can make these things happen – after all, many others have done so and when thinking logically I know that I deserve it all, as does everyone else. However, motivated action comes from the gut, as does self-preservation and core identity and unfortunately my gut is stopping me from taking action because it is protecting me from getting hurt and is matching the level of action to suit my core identity – someone who is small, invisible and average.

My dominant self-protection and core identity comes from a mixture of things – my working-class upbringing, where we pride ourselves on working hard and the “hustle” or “daily grind”, societal norms of how women should be, past domestic abuse that led me to believe that I am unworthy, not enough and also taught me that being invisible, quiet and undemanding was crucial to not getting hurt.

As much as the heart most definitely does lead, it can only lead when it is being heard and felt. It can only lead when it is being listened to with compassion and love. It can only lead when your true self is unafraid to show itself. It can only lead when your core identity matches that true self, rather than it being manipulated by criticism, expectation and fear. It can only lead when it feels safe to do so.

So, how do I move forward ? How do I stop being small and go for what I want ?

I need to convince my gut that I am safe, that I will no longer get hurt if I make a mistake or get something wrong. I need to build my self-esteem so that the love I feel for myself is not dependant on how I perceive others think of me. I need to challenge my current identity and change the narrative from small, invisible and average to strong, confident, visible and enough. I need to find enough courage to override the self-doubt and fear.

When I know, deep down, that I am safe, that I am enough and that I deserve a life full of love, success and happiness I will be able to start taking motivated action towards my heart’s desires. When the belief in myself and my aspirations are more important to me than what others think of me I will be able to put myself out there without fear of judgement and criticism. I will still get the same amount of it, but it will no longer affect me in a way that stops me in my tracks and causes a melt down.

Therefore, the first steps I need to take are ;

·        Continuously tell myself that I am safe, I am loved and I am supported.

·        Work on appreciating all that I am and all that I have, recognising my strengths and achievements.

·        Imagine myself acting with strength and courage and working towards my dreams, fulfilling my potential.

·        Affirm to myself daily that I am enough and that I deserve the best life has to offer.

·        Take small, practical steps in line with my hearts desires to expand my comfort zone – such as writing this article !

It is not going to happen overnight, I will not wake up tomorrow being loud and proud and not giving a shit about what anyone thinks of me BUT everyday I will become 1% stronger, more visible, more confident within myself and everyday I will find ways to love myself a little bit more.

We all need to be heard, we all have lessons to learn from each other and lessons to teach one another. We are all important. Our opinions matter, our desires are valid. We are enough and we all deserve to be living our very best lives filled with love, success and happiness – whatever that uniquely means to us.

There is no need to stay small, the world is waiting for you to go big and reach for the stars.

It’s time to fly, beautiful.

Lisa x

Birds picture by Pexels, Pixabay.

Time to Fly poster available from my Etsy store : PearlLifestyles | Etsy