How a healthy lifestyle and coaching changed my life.

When people meet me I know that they see a confident, bubbly, energetic, positive person who is very fit and healthy.

This was not the case 14 years ago when I was living in a women’s refuge with my 7 year old son unsure of what the future held and consumed by guilt (relating to my son), low self-esteem and uncertainty.

Before I met my abusive ex I was fit and healthy, I had been an active, sporty child. I was slightly unsure of myself and did suffer from low self confidence so had ventured into the self-help world and had dreams of becoming a life coach – this was in 1996 so life coaching was a pretty new concept. However, it made so much sense to me and I loved Louise L Hay and Susan Jeffers. I read book after book on self-help and personal development.

Then I met my ex – within a matter of months he had obliterated any self-esteem I had and had trapped me into a life of violence, fear, hatred, contempt and control – to a level I never knew existed. One pivotal moment came a year or so into the relationship, when I had unusually been allowed to go to a family gathering on my own (he would normally engineer it so that just before the event I would be unable to go). I got back that day to find every single one of my personal possessions completely destroyed, including all of my self-help books. I stood there, looking at the chaos surrounding me and my ex sitting on the chair with his head in his hands and I felt every last ounce of me drain away.

Fast forward 9 years later when I finally got away for good (after many other failed attempts where I had left and then let myself down by going back). My son and I ran away to a women’s refuge and this time I knew it was for good.

Life in a refuge is not easy but I had some lovely ladies in there with me which made my time more enjoyable. In the beginning all of my energy went on the court case and keeping myself and my son safe but once that was done it was time to start focussing on myself and making a life for us in this new city. The first thing I can remember doing for myself was to buy a magazine, lie on my bed and read it cover to cover – it felt so indulgent !

During the 6 months I lived in the refuge I started to get out jogging, making use of the stairs, hills and wonderful open spaces around me. I volunteered at the local school and started reading my personal development books again. I started to get me back.

The first few years after leaving the refuge I continuously pushed myself into new and uncomfortable situations, I had another child and had to work hard to regain a healthy weight (it’s much harder to do that in your 30’s than your 20’s I discovered !). The thing is though, no matter what I done, how hard I pushed myself I could not shake these deep-rooted feelings of not being good enough, of being less of a person than anyone else I met. Logically I knew these feelings were unwarranted but subconsciously it all just kept bubbling to the surface. As a result, any romantic partner I met would not treat me very well – in direct relation to how I was treating myself.

So I embarked on my healthy lifestyle, on working on myself to improve my self-esteem. I pushed myself into even more uncomfortable situations. I became aware of how I spoke to myself and I worked at focussing on and appreciating everything I had done rather than what I hadn’t done. I became my own life coach. I exercised regularly, focussed on maintaining a healthy diet and got hooked on the light, fresh, clean, positive feeling that a healthy lifestyle gives you. My diet got increasingly more healthy, my body became stronger and I got to the point where I was proud of what I saw in the mirror.

I noticed that each relationship I had got noticeable more respectful, loving and caring, as I became more accepting, loving and respectful of myself. I even got to the point where I realised that I was completely happy by myself, I was confident in my ability to be a single mum and provide for my boys – I had learned to love myself in a way that meant I was not looking elsewhere for approval.

That was the point at which I met my soul mate, my husband. He showed me what true, unconditional love and respect is. His love, support, respect and appreciation encouraged me to be free, to explore myself and investigate different opportunities. Our marriage, alongside the relationships I have with my children, is my most precious thing and I know how blessed I am to have found him – I do not call it luck because I truly believe that the work I done on myself brought him into my life.

All hunky dorey then right ?! Not quite ! Despite and maybe because of this amazing transformation of my life I became aware of a strong feeling of unfulfilled potential. This feeling that I had let myself down by allowing my ex to completely ruin the successful career I had been building, to stop my dreams and that because of my past I did not have the material / financial success that I felt I should have at this age.

As a result, with the support of my husband I gave up my job – a place where I was surrounded by friends, where I had full confidence in my ability to do my job and where I was respected and liked. One and a half years ago I left my comfortable job to go self-employed and fulfil my potential. Oh my word, what a rollercoaster ! All those deep-rooted feelings that I thought had gone came bubbling back up as I began to feel vulnerable and out of my comfort zone. I was deeply troubled by feelings of not being good enough, of not being as worthy as others, that everyone else was better than me (and knew they were). No matter how hard I worked or how may compliments I got I never felt that it was enough – my blocks were just too strong.

Once again, I delved into self-help and personal development books and podcasts. I was aware that when networking, meeting new people etc. I came across as being confident and that made me feel even worse – it felt like I was lying to them, that they liked me – but the person they liked wasn’t really me (does that make sense ?!). Now, because of the self-coaching I had previously done I was and still am very aware of my thoughts, feelings, strengths and weaknesses. I realised at this point that I needed some help, that these limiting beliefs were holding me back from being truly free and truly me.

So I worked with a mindset coach that really helped me to delve deep into those unwanted feelings and imposed beliefs that were firmly rooted into my self-esteem. I realised that the business I had set up was not really what I wanted to do, that by doing this job I was just doing what I thought others expected of me, what I thought others wanted me to do. I was actually doing really well but I knew that it did not light me up, I knew that it was not what I was meant to be doing and I felt frustrated.

By this point I was in extremely good shape, I had taken my healthy lifestyle to another level and had found a way to eat everything I enjoyed, maintain a healthy body and mindset and enjoy exercising. I knew that this was what I wanted to do for a job – to help others achieve this level of good health without depriving themselves of food they love nor taking up hours of their precious free time.

Through my self-coaching and being coached I also started to realise that my past and my success despite my troubles was something that could really help others, particularly women who have also been through an abusive relationship. I have recently become a certified life coach and am already helping women improve their self-esteem through adopting and maintaining a healthy lifestyle and working on the relationship they have with themselves. I will continuously work on myself in order to improve myself and to learn new ways to help other women move forwards with their lives. I will always work on my tried and tested healthy habits in order to help other people realise that being fit and healthy is achievable and sustainable. It has become my aim to help women be truly free to dream their biggest dreams and feel worthy and capable of achieving them.

So, at aged 47, the dream I had at age 22 of becoming a life coach has come true and I realise that my past has enabled me to reach my full potential rather than stopped it. And the journey towards this dream come true all started whilst at the refuge with a magazine, a run up some stairs and lots of vegetables (with a load of cheese on top of course) !

Deciding to live a healthy lifestyle and look after myself on the inside and outside changed my life and enabled me to live the life of my dreams – it can for you too. You cannot change your past but you can change your present and future.

You start by taking small steps, looking after yourself by nourishing and exercising your body and mind and learning to listen to yourself.

You really can do this !

Lisa x

If you feel that you would benefit from working with me on a group or one to one basis please do get in touch.